Expect the Unexpected

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Canned what?

Nothin' says lovin' like possum from the oven, according to Aunt Tudi.

Nothin’ says lovin’ like possum from the oven, according to Aunt Tudi.

I’m always on the alert for good food that satisfies the soul, as well as the ticking dinner clock. Home cooks, such as myself, are busy these days, working long hours to make ends meet. So we welcome any opportunity that comes along to serve a nice hot meal, quickly and efficiently, to our hungry families.

canned-unicorn-meatImagine my joy when I came across a couple canned items that showed great promise to make an easy time-saving meal while allowing me more time to watch my taped episodes of Amish Mafia and Keeping up with the Kardashians.

Creamed Possum with Sweet Potatoes Garnished in Coon Fat Gravy? In a can? Wow, them’s eats!

Renowned Chef Charles Draghi posted about this Southern delicacy on Facebook, and it looked good to me. With the added sweet potatoes it’s an all-in-one meal. The back of the can suggests serving it with wild ramps. Can’t think of a better flavor combination and use for those pesky weedy ramp thingies.

And how about creamed chipped Unicorn on toast? My adult son sent me a can of Irish Unicorn meat and it looked good too, especially the added sparkles.

The disappointing contents of a can of Unicorn meat.

The disappointing contents of a can of Unicorn meat.

Admittedly, these foods seemed a tad exotic, but why not expand my husband’s bland Yankee palate?

So, I set out to buy the Creamed Possum but could only find it on eBay, alas, and it was rather pricey. So scratch that.

I opened my son’s can of Unicorn meat, which promised “magic in every bite” along with those sparkles. But I was very disappointed. It wasn’t the quality I expected. Meh!

My husband tried to console my grief and brought home a can of something he found at the market from Scotland: “Minced heart, liver, and beef lungs with a stuffing of oatmeal and onions packed inside the stomach of a sheep.”

Haggis, no joke.

Haggis, no joke.

I shot him a look that said, “Yeah, right, that’s not real, that’s gotta be a joke!”

Nope, no joke, it was just Haggis. But it makes Creamed Possum and Canned Unicorn not so unbelievable.

From the back of the can of the Creamed Possum:

“Creamed Possum” with Sweet Potatoes Garnished in Coon Fat Gravy. “For The Hard To Satisfy Gourmet Palate”…. For A Taste You’ll Never Forget, From The Swamps Of Louisiana, to lovely Possum Bayou….. Fresh from the highways of Interstate 10, Interstate 12, highway 90, highway 190, and highway 11. Ingredients: Prime Road Kill Possum Cooked To Perfection With Wild Ramps and Greens, Boiled Sweet Potatoes Simmered in Coon Fat Gravy….. Yum Yum. And for our Jewish friends, our Possum is, and is cooked Kosher.

For Best Results: Serve COLD, While Still Greasy….. Our Motto: Help Keep Our Roadsides Clean ‘Eat More Possum’…

Possum is cholesterol free. And it’s a big Southern secret that Possum is a great aphrodisiac. The South shall “rise” again.  I recommend Possum to all older gentlemen. A friend of mine didn’t heed my advice. He took some Viagra instead, and some of it got caught and stuck in his throat. For three days he had a stiff neck.

Nothing says Luvin like Possum in the oven.

•  The Bacowza corporation, a Master Purveyor of fresh Possum, Nutria, and Coon in the South. Supplier to New Orleans finest restaurants.
•  We highly recommend that our Possum products are served with red wine, and not white wine.
•  Notice: Anyone purchasing this item is considered a V.I.P. Every delivery of this item will be personally made by a uniformed representative of the United States Government.

Editor’s Note: Probably should have posted this on April 1. My bad.


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