Expect the Unexpected

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Perfect Polly: I wanna buy one but for who and why?


When Perfect Polly gets caught in that poor dog's intestinal tract, you're going to need perfect veterinary surgery.

When shards of Perfect Polly get caught in your perfect dog’s intestinal tract, you’re going to need perfect veterinary surgery.

Every now and then a TV commercial pops up that looks like a Saturday Night Live parody but turns out to be for a real product (yes, I’m talking to you Shamwow).

An interesting commercial is now running on cable for “Perfect Polly,” a plastic, singing parakeet, and it’s not a sham. Wow.

Pitched as the perfect “pet” for people who can’t have real pets, Perfect Polly costs $14.99, but wait, call now and you get two Perfect Pollys for just $14.99. Wow, that’s pretty cheap for a chirping piece of plastic that can move its head AND tail feathers, I better dial in now while supplies last.

But wait, who would I buy this for and why? Let me watch the video.

Well, it’s definitely not for me. I prefer real pets and my cat Minx would destroy this thing in a heartbeat.

Maybe Perfect Polly would be the perfect gift for my day who’s living in a nursing home where he can’t have pets. No. I’m sure the motion-activated chirping would drive the other residents crazy. I can also envision an orderly bringing dad’s lunch tray to his room, being startled by the sudden chirping and covering dad in cream chipped beef. No.

How about as a gift for a “friend” in an apartment building or condo where pets aren’t allowed? Well, I could always buy said hypothetical friend a beautiful tropical fish instead that requires minimum care and is a thing of real beauty. So no.

Maybe it’s a perfect gift for kids? I could give one to my nephew for his birthday. I’m sure he’d have it a full day before smashing it to bits to find out what makes it incessantly chirp.

I can’t think of any occasion where I would give a Perfect Polly to anyone.

Wait a minute, I think I’ll buy one after all!

I’ll nail Perfect Polly to the wall, out of Minx’s reach. She’ll make a perfect companion for my Big Mouth Billy Bass.

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